That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
