I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
