just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize