One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
