eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
