I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
