I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
