He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
