i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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