I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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