Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
