We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
