the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
