sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
