I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
