I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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