You're a womanizer and a bitch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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