A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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