I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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