you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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