The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Couch. On fire.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
