The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
