If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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