How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize