You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
