Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
