Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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