can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
