Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
