Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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