The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
