When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
