New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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