having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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