We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
