Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
