none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
