Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
