sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
