I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
