my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
