Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
