I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
