You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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