Jerry, you need to find god
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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