Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
