jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
