Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
