i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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