it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize