you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
