Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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