he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
