I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
