you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
