Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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