cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
