If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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