Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
