Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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