is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
