Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize