felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Vodka?
Forever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
