I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
