apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
