We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
