i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
