I must be too annoying 4 u.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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