i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
