I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
