i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
