I wish my penis had an off switch
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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