The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
