haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize