glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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